The question is????

Sometimes, it is amazing that someone can shake your thinking and not even realize it. Someone can ask you a question that you can only think to yourself, Did this person just ask me that? Is that really what they think I would think or do? This question is absurd and quite frankly saddens me.

UH....... Isn't this question exactly the one that you have been asking over and over in your mind Marya? Isn't this question one that has been a challenge to your thinking. One that can consume you? One that you have thought so many times but never asked? Never asked for fear of the answer!!!

What is this question you are wondering, what question could spark me to write in my blog. Well, I had someone come and ask me if I hadn't chosen them for something because of their weight. At first I was completely offended that someone would ask me that, what have I ever done that would allow anyone to ever think that I was racist in that area? What kind of person does this person think I am?
I can't say that I was happy being asked this question. My response was, Of course not. I don't look at people's weight and decide whether they can or can't compete. I so badly wanted to scream at him "Hey, you would know I would never do that since I think I am the fattest girl in the room, I am not judging you cause I am too busy judging myself" Plus I don't think yelling at a someone for feeling comfortable to come up to me and ask this question was the right response.


But let's be honest, I want to ask that question most days. I want to challenge the Creator with my sense of insecurity. I want to believe a lie because why would God not want to give me these things. Why? I want to explain away things. It of course has to be me. And most likely has to be the thing I don't like the most about myself. Of course it has to be that.

The truth is that as I sat and heard this person ask me this question and I thought this is the farthest from thing truth and was saddened they thought this. But today I am thinking how much more does the Almighty God, creator of me feel when I ask (believe) these lies. As this person sat there waiting for an answer, waiting to hear his greatest fear be spoken out loud, he heard something quite different. I know the fear of waiting to hear that answer, waiting to hear the dirty truth be told to me..... but only to hear the real Truth not the the lies I was expecting to hear.

The truth is, is that God loves me so much he created me in His image. I could just stop at He created me. He didn't need to even create me, but he created me in His image. God doesn't withhold good thing from those who believe. God knew my days since the beginning of time. He knew my size, he knew my struggles. He even knew and knows I would struggle with these things. He knew I would question, waiting for the answer, Have you withheld things from me because of my weight and looks. I think the Lord would answer with
Psalm 139
13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^a
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

When you go up to God next time and ask ...Are you doing this because I am ........? Be reminded He knew you from the beginning of time, He created you. Don't sit waiting in fear to hear the answer. Sit in awe of Him, sit in awe that he created you.

And for those of you who struggle with how you view yourself, like me. Give that up,beauty is fleeting, but the Lord is forever. The Lord created you to resemble Him.  And I am sure he isn't denying you good things because of how you look!! Don't believe those lies!!!