Wonderfully Made

So, its been a week and a bit of trying to eradicate this stupid "Fat" word. Well, it hasn't been a great week. I can't seem to not look at the mirror and say these words to myself, " I wonder if this outfit makes me look fat?" Then the day begins.  By mid day I can look at myself and say "Why did you wear this outfit, you look so huge" Everyone is going to notice how fat you are. When I go into this meeting, they are going to see Fat Marya. Not see nice fun Marya. They must wonder why I am posing as something I am not.
How cruel am I to myself. It makes me sad just re-writing these things. Why, because 1 its not true, and 2 I don't surround myself with people that are like that. NONE of the people that I choose to be around would ever judge someone by the size of their bodies, more the size of their hearts.

So, this week I have wondered what the Webster Dictionary says about the word "Fat". (I'm losing hope in the dictionary, cause they keep accepting words that in my opinion should not be words, but we will leave that to another blogger to blog about)

What does the definition of Fat mean? Well, good old Merriam-Webster says the following.....
   1. notable for having an unusual amount of fat....a: plump b:obese (c. of a meat animal: fattened for market d. of food: oily or greasy
   2. a: well filled out : thick big.... a fat book
       b: full in tone and quality.... rich... a gorgeous fat bass voice
       c. well stocked... a fat larder
       d. Prosperous, wealthy...grew fat on the war

Ok, I could go on for a while with the definitions. But what is most interesting is that the word NO where has the same definition that I have given it.

Definition of the word Fat ala Marya......
   1. Notable for being very large
   2. Lazy
   3. Ugly
   4. Not desirable for either friendships or a future husband
   5. Unworthy

Oh, how sad my definition is. It is far from accurate, far from the truth. It is time to change the brain. Get rid of these ANTS(Automatic Negative Thoughts)  running a muck in my head.
Who wants to live like this, who wants to live in a world of constant attack on themselves. I want to change the meaning of fat in my brain. I want freedom from the weight of the word.

If I am going to change, how can I possibly do it? Well, the other day, I went to what I believe is the best source of truth. The Bible. I looked up things. Do you know that no where does it describe a person as being fat? I think that the bible doesn't talk about us loving ourselves because I think it believes we already do. I guess in a way I love myself a lot, cause even though my thoughts are negative, boy are they self focused.
Other than praying and asking God to remove this crazy defect of mine, I thought let me look to see what the bible says about being a woman. I read many things. But I think that the best example is the Proverbs 31 woman. I will never attain all of the aspects of a Proverbs 31 woman, that could be a daunting and overwhelming task. I could being leading myself to even more disappointment.

Look, to be quite honest, I want to see myself the way the Lord sees me. I don't want to see myself as a fat girl, thin girl, tall girl, athletic girl,etc. I want to look in the mirror in the morning and repeat the words of Psalm 139:14  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Hopefully this week I can look at myself with a new set of eyes. I hope you can look at yourself also with eyes of kindness. Join me this week as we remember we are "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made".